The Art of Not Sharing

I've been thinking that if there were any subject that I'm experienced and skilled enough in to be considered an authority it would have to be not sharing. I think I could write a book on it. A proper book, with lots of pages filled with words, and probably a few diagrams and illustrations thrown in. I think I've made an art of not sharing and I'm confident that I could teach others to not share as well.

Just as long as they want it. They've got to really want it.

I'll give seminars to teach people how to cope with difficult social sharing occasions, like when you go to a restaurant and everyone wants to try what you ordered, or worse still they actually SUGGEST that everyone orders communally and has a bit of everything. Here's the hot scoop, idiots, if I wanted what you ordered, I'd have ordered it myself.

The Gordon's Gin Academy

I hate the Carling Academy. Don't get me wrong, it's not due to the sound being terrible, the tickets being overpriced, the atmosphere being non-existant, nor is it due to the extra 20% that they add on to merch to make sure they make a profit from that too. I just hate Carling. Why on Earth does the Academy pick everyone's least favourite lager in the world as its sponsor? It's their mission while you're there to force you to drink the stuff as well. They have an alternative lager, Grolsch (hooray!), but every single time that I've been there it mysteriously "goes off" after half an hour and all they have left to sell is Carling. There's something going on there. Every single time. Who are they kidding?
Why couldn't it have been sponsored by a drink that people actually like, like Gin? I'd much rather go to the Gordon's Gin Academy. I bet I'd have a brilliant night in the Gordon's Gin Academy, you can just tell.