Say It Ain't So

Apparently Weezer have decided to come back from their "indefinite hiatus" and record another studio album, further soiling their reputation and distancing themselves from people who pretended to still be fans. This graph should admirably demonstrate the trend in quality for the band's releases.


What they should have done is just release a greatest hits CD and call it a day. Except they can't, because they've already released a greatest hits CD - it was called the Blue Album. Cue image of the cover for the album, with the words "Greatest Hits" crudely photoshopped onto it. Can't do it right now, I've lost my copy of photoshop and don't hang around with students, so can't get another. Small price to pay for not having to look at students all day.

Fan Fiction Is A Dead Format

I've been toying with the idea of writing fan fiction for awhile now. What started out as a joke quickly became a serious obsession, with every waking moment fueled by a plethora of monumental ideas. I forgot most of them though, and due to my fickle nature the entire concept of writing fan fiction became a bit embarrassing and I wished I'd not told everyone I know.

Fan Fiction Idea #1

Basically this story involved the band the Sugababes being drawn through some sort of wormhole into a nexus of space and time, whereby all members of the girl band (past and present, but not future) co-exist. Just like in the movie The Terminator however, nothing dead can pass through the gateway to the nexus, and so they're basically naked and you see everything. Or you would see everything, if I was given my own television show where my fan fiction ideas were serialised. I briefly flirted with the idea that all members of the Sugababes would be transported to different time periods, for instance the ginger one might end up in WW2 France ('allo 'allo style), but it quickly became obvious that this was getting a bit high brow, and might alienate the fan fiction crowd.

There you have it. That's all I've got at the moment. I did have another idea which started with Avril Lavigne being tied up in my basement, and ended with me digging an Avril Lavigne shaped hole in my garden, but I couldn't figure out what happened in between. It would have probably been sexy though, and not to be viewed by minors.

The Importance Of Being Right

June 14th

Spurred on by a 'discussion' over the correct way to hang toilet paper, I've begun phoning people at work and asking them if they subscribe to the overhand or underhand method. I tell them that I'm compiling a spreadsheet, that yes it is important, and no I don't think it's none of my business. It's not making me a lot of friends, as people have started to think I'm a bit simple, and have stopped holding the door for me in the corridor. That could be just a coincidence, but I've got this nagging feeling that they don't see the monumental importance of it all. Once I've got the results, I'm going to make some graphs. Maybe a pie chart and a powerpoint presentation too. That'll show them.



The correct answer of course is underhand.

Pointless Blog Post Of The Day

I put shuffle on my ipod on return from work today, snubbing the playlists, and it was awesome. I feel compelled to 'blog it', if using the word blog as a verb is allowed.

-Clockwise (Dan Potthast)
-Jo Jo's Jacket (Stephen Malkmus)
-Souvenir (Sick Of It All)
-Two For Flinching (Kid Dynamite)
-Oh There's Legwork (None More Black)
-Lies Of Our Lives (The Once Over Twice)
-Pints of Guiness Make You Strong (Against Me!)
-Just Like This (Mike Park)
-Facing and Backing (Hot Water Music)
-Implied Warrenty (Red Lights Flash)
-My Best Friend (Weezer)
-Eat The Meek (NOFX)
-Sad Songs and Waltzes (Cake)

This is hands down the best shuffle I've ever had, and pisses all over this morning's shambolic attempt. This has also been the most pointless blog post in recent memory, and surely signals the end of my internet ramblings. Really, if I'd spent the last 15 seconds reading this, I'd be angry.

Sabbatical

What I should have done with my two days off work:

• Cut my hair
• Taken suit to dry cleaners
• Tidied up
• Read some books
• Exercised
• Fixed bed

What I actually did:

• Played Guitar Hero 2

In hindsight it seems like a bit of a waste. :(

Need... More... Gamerpoints

Sunday the 3rd of June passed by for most people as Sundays generally do. Dinners were prepared and eaten, dogs were walked, crosswords were filled in with various degrees of success. In the upstairs bedroom of a semi-detached house in Cullercoats, Tyne & Wear, England, Planet Earth, a young man with nothing better to do than play computer games on his own performed laborious tasks, so that Microsoft would bestow upon him the sacred Gamerpoints (c). And so it was done.

I got over 5000 gamerpoints.

Its taken me ages.

Next stop: 7500.

How I Lost My Grip On Technology

This is my Blog. I'm still not 100% sure what a blog is, which brings me to the story of why I created this. You see, I used to be very comfortable indeed with modern technology. I was without fear when confronted by even the most daunting entanglement of wires and flashing lights. You could say, if you were that way inclined, that I revelled in the challenge of learning what all 50 little buttons did on any given new toy. Then one day, as all things are destined to do, it all came crashing down on the birthday of my 25th year. All of a sudden I found myself confused by terms that I'd not heard before and worst of all (and this is probably the final nail in the coffin) I found myself being shown how to operate things. By 26 I had a girl (much younger than me) show me what Bluetooth was and how to turn it on, I spent a weekend anguishing over podcasting, and was eventually asked the question by someone who assumed I'd not lost touch quite yet:

(what is a blog?)
I don't know.
(of course you do)
I really don't know.
(I thought everyone was doing it these days?)
I'm sorry.
(is it on the Internet?)
Yes. It's got something to do with typing words, then posting them.
(so it's a bit like a message board then)
No it's not a message board. Although it might be a bit. Just you're the only one who posts.
(oh right)
Don't take my word for it. I haven't got a clue.
(no it's OK, I think I'll ask around a bit)
Fuck off.

So I figured the best way to deal with fear of the unknown is to confront it. So I made a blog. And here it is, it's a bit like a message board, except I'm the only one who posts.

What's the point in that?