Semantics

I'd like to begin referring to rapists as RAPERS, victims of rape will be called Rapees.  Not that I have a frequent need to use the word in everyday converstion,  but I'm never above shaking things up a bit.  It's Fresh.

I'll not use a picture in this post out of respect for Rapees.

Family Man

Something never sat quite right with me about Dirty Dancing, and it took me awhile to figure out what it was. If you've seen it, ask yourself what Dirty Dancing was about. If you say something like "the rebellion of youth" you're an idiot.

When I see the film, I see a family vacation. It's probably a family tradition or something, either way the dad's been working his ass off to save for it. He's probably spent countless days looking at the clock waiting to go home, thinking that it'll all be worth it when he takes the wife and kids away for the week in the summer. He can finally spend more time with the kids, maybe fulfill some promises he made to them but never got round to finishing.

Then Patrick Swayze shows up, like a fucking sexual predator stealing away his daughter. He tries to warn her, he's heard about his kind before. You don't have to try hard to imagine that this won't be the first young girl he's tried to groom while working here, hell it's probably not the first girl he's banged this week. Look at him, he's probably got syphilis.

Can you blame him for trying to stop Patrick Swayze fucking his daughter?

Getting FUCKED by Amazon

Cost to buy Ubik in paperback from Amazon - £4.79
Cost to buy Ubik from Amazon resellers - £2.73
Cost to buy Ubik eBook from Amazon - £6.99

Have they lost their fucking minds? Note to publishers: In 10 years time, when everyone is downloading your shit for free and you wonder "where it all went wrong", it was right here.

Top 5 Albums of 2010

1. The Dopamines - Expect the Worst
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. N/A

Honorable mentions go out to Alkaline Trio, The Riot Before, Gaslight Anthem, and Smoke or Fire, who sadly didn;t make the cut.

Skip Tracer

I enjoy listening to Sonic Youth, purely because it seems High Brow compared to most music. However it does make me look like a SMUG CUNT, which I've been trying to avoid.

Overall Review 8/10

The Condom Incident

Today I'd like to tell a story about how I was once at the supermarket with a friend looking to buy wine and get drunk, and debating how much we look like a gay couple. We both like drinking wine, but resent the "pair of fucking queers" look, reserved as standard for any two men buying wine together, and used indiscriminately by middle aged women who work on supermarket checkouts.

Fast-forward about 5 minutes and we're standing at the checkout watching 3 bottles of red wine roll down the conveyor belt, and arguing over who's going to pay. The woman on the till has The Look on her face. Just as we sort out payment issues we hear a fourth beep, as something extra gets scanned in, and see a massive packet of Condoms slide towards us.

I look at my friend to see if he's picked them up on the way round as a joke to embarrass me. He looks at me, obviously just as confused as I am. We both look at the woman on the till, who is trying desperately not to make eye contact with either of us in case she visualises us having drunken gay sex. Naturally we both verbally jumped to the defensive.

At this point we realise that there's a long line of people waiting at the checkout who are watching the whole situation, in particular the nervous looking teenage girl directly behind us in the queue. You see, there hadn't been any condoms on the conveyor belt when we bought the wine. She was holding onto them because she was too embarrassed that people would see them if she put them down, book-ended between two 'next customer please' signs, and jump to the conclusion that she was some kind of 15 year old slut. Now she had to verbally acknowledge in front of two 20-something year old men, a middle aged woman and a massive line of supermarket patrons that she was indeed attempting to purchase an extra large packet of condoms, without making eye contact with either of us as we were pissing ourselves laughing.

Slut.

Conversationalist

Speaking of reference books, I'd also like a pocket book of things to talk to taxi drivers and workmen about, to save me having to end every sentence with the word MATE.

It's not fooling anyone :(